Holly's Magical Wand of Wonder

Holly's Magical Wand of Wonder

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Holly's Fucking Plastic Stick

Holly: My parents went to this AARP convention in Orlando, and while they were there, they stopped at the Harry Potter theme park and bought me the most awesome souvenir ever - a real live Harry Potter wand.

Lindsay: So Holly comes back from a weekend home, and she's all, "Guess what I got?!"

Holly: I couldn't wait to show Lindsay my new magic wand - we've both been Harry Potter fans for a long time. I really wanted to dazzle her with my new magical skills.

Lindsay: Holly came creeping around my door frame, hiding something behind her back. Then, giggling like a crazy person, she pulls out this fake wand - with a flourish - and tries to put some kind of spell on me.

Holly: Lindsay was unimpressed by my new wand. I started to worry that she wasn't taking my magical capabilities seriously. In a way, this was understandable with her being a Muggle and all, but since she's my friend and roommate, I figured she needed to make peace with it.

Lindsay: I don't think she knows it's not real.

Holly: I tried to demonstrate my magical skills by turning the lights on and off for her, or by changing the channels on the telly with my wand. Telly, by the way, is Harry Potter-speak for TV.

Lindsay: She would hide the remote in one hand and wave her wand at the TV, pretending it was her "magical powers". And she'd run into my room in the middle of the afternoon yelling, "Lumos!" and then turn on the light switch.

Holly: Coincidence.

Lindsay: Delusions.

Holly: I even tried performing magic on our kitty, thinking maybe that would open Lindsay's eyes to the pure truth happening in front of her.

Lindsay: She would point her wand at the cat whenever he was sleeping and yell, "EXPELLIARMUS!" at the top of her lungs, which usually caused him to wake up and run away. She seemed to count that as a success.

Holly: After a while I began to wonder if Lindsay was somehow impervious to my magic.

Lindsay: She started hitting me with the wand.

Holly: I guess Lindsay is just a typical Muggle.

Lindsay: I wonder at what point I'm supposed to seek professional help.