The Tale of Lindsay and Holly:
A Chomance for the Ages
Once Upon A Time there were two young ladies of the finest class and manner, named Lindsay Dal Porto and Holly Hartmann. Despite the fact that they lived only twenty minutes apart for the first fifteen years of their lives, they did not meet until chance employed them both at the same evil grocery store in South East Wisconsin. There in the most evil of chain stores, amidst the aisles of canned vegetables and fresh fruit of questionable quality, confined to their beastly cash registers, their relationship began - Holly, a small town girl (living in a lonely world); Lindsay, a city boy (born and raised in an awesome Journey song).
At 18, both Lindsay and Holly headed off to one of the state's finest institutions of higher education: the University of Wisconsin - Oshkosh (also known as Sloshkosh and UWZero). They both began pursuing degrees in the English major, but saw little of each other during that first year. At the end of freshman year, Holly's roommate decided to transfer to a private (and therefore less-crappy) school, and Lindsay's roommate had proven to be a giant cuntosaurus. The fates aligned, and Lindsay and Holly decided to become roommates.
For the next four years, one dorm room, and two apartments, Lindsay and Holly were an inseparable force for justice, belligerence, flatulence, and grammar (not necessarily in that order). They had many adventures during their time as roommates - sometimes on their own, and sometimes with the posse of equally strange friends they gathered during those years. This website is based around the ridiculous shenanigans of Lindsay and Holly - from the Frankenpooper to the Weird-Clepto-Probable-Drug-Dealer-Neighbors from Hell, and everything in between.
Need to know more? Here are some personal details about each of us:
Lindsay Dal Porto:
- Hometown: Wales, WI
- Major: English & Journalism
- Favorite Meat Product: Hot dogs
- Favorite Band: Metallica
- Favorite Guilty-Pleasure Band: Aqua
- Favorite Author: Ernest Hemingway
- Favorite Movie: The Boondock Saints
- Favorite TV Show: Doctor Who
- Favorite Thing to do with Your Right Hand: Wield a battle axe
- Favorite Thing to do When You're Alone: Try to touch my tongue to my nose
- Favorite Memory of Holly:We were walking to class one wintery morning and as we were crossing a parking lot, I noticed a huge patch of ice under the snow and walked around it. Holly, however, didn’t see the ice and busted her shit. She fell backwards on top of her backpack with an audible “Uugh” and her glasses flew a good 3 feet behind her. Being the good friend I am, I stood there, hands on knees, laughing so hard I cried.
Holly Hartmann:
- Hometown: Eagle, WI
- Major: English & Creative Writing
- Favorite Meat Product: Chicken nuggets
- Favorite Band: Blink-182
- Favorite Guilty-Pleasure Band: The Spice Girls
- Favorite Author: Chuck Palahniuk
- Favorite Movie: Almost Famous
- Favorite TV Show: Doctor Who
- Favorite Thing to do with Your Right Hand: Punch Lindsay in the kidneys
- Favorite thing to do When You're Alone: Discover new bodily sound effects
- Favorite Memory of Lindsay: This one time, Lindsay got completely hammered, and I had to try and explain to her why a wicker basket was NOT an acceptable place to throw up... Especially since it didn't have a plastic bag in it or anything. Lindsay listened to my logic, and chose to throw up on the floor instead. Then she tried to scoop it up and throw it away - in the wicker basket. Woven from the yarn of special, that girl is.
A Pear of Nuts
Origin of the Name
During their sophomore year of college Lindsay and Holly lived in the dorms, two doors down from a fun-loving and rather ridiculous girl named Tina. Lindsay and Holly immensely enjoyed Tina's company during this time, delighting in the fact that she was always a great source of amusement and entertainment... Even if it wasn't always on purpose.
The exact origins of the blog name have faded over time. All that truly remains is this conversation, which was saved for all eternity on Holly's Facebook page.
Holly: And you'll rip open the shower curtain, and I'll be standing their fully-clothed and holding a pear.
Tina: A pair of what?
(At which point everyone started laughing hysterically.)
Tina: You guys are nuts.
All names have been changed to protect the dignity of those whose behavior was probably humiliating.
(We're looking at you, Frankenpooper.)
